31 Days of Introspection: Week 2: Social Media Hiatus

 

Answer my question in the comments to help me decide! 

 

Heya,

This Second week of 31 Days of Introspection has been so up and down. Great things and also crappy things. A destruction of my computer, my realization that I have  no real close friends, the joy of seeing Naomi grow and the upset at books being destroyed.

I do feel like I’ve made a ton of progress emotionally. The apartment is much better now as well. I’ve donated over 1,200 books and gotten rid of so much clutter. The sad thing is that I got the dates mixed up and I put everything out on the curb too early. I used a donation pick up service and we woke up the next day to find everything still there. It had rained the night before and all of the books that we’d set out were damaged. So the whole “they’re going to a good place” ideal is gone. My precious books didn’t go to a nice place. They won’t be enjoyed by some happy family. I didn’t do a “good deed” because all the books I’d collected over the years, and gazed at on my shelves, went to the trash.

So yeah. But at least my place has less stuff. Unfortunately, having less doesn’t fix my “messiness” and I’m struggling to keep things straightened. I know some people say you’ve got to clean as you go. I try so hard, but what ends up happening is I work work work, then I take a break, then work work work, and things get messier and messier. Then I am overwhelmed at that point and I don’t want to clean. Anyhow, I’m trying to get better and some days everything is together and some days it’s like today: work shop things everywhere.

So one of the crappy things that happened this week is the destruction of my MAC. I was holding Naomi and trying to feed her. Was sitting at the table and doing the whole breast milk from the refill bottle into empty drinking bottle and Naomi, happily and with a highpitched squeal, kicked out. The refilled bottle spilled on the Mac and the rest is history. That was a few days ago. No more YouTube videos, no more recordings for audio books, no more…no more a lot of things. I actually had to remove the “Lined” option for my journals for a day until I could create a new template using my IPad. Ugh, this is all just horrible.

So, apparently, it’s not worth it to fix my computer. I took it to the Mac store. They looked at it and they said it would cost $700 in order to fix it. In order for me to get a new one, or a Mac Book Air it would cost me $1100. That’s bullshit! How is it that expensive? That’s just crazy. I digress. I’m going to have to do everything I can to use my iPad for everything: university work, the business dealings, watching TV and anything else. I’ve never had to use it for all that stuff before so I honestly don’t know what all it can do. I’m just sad about it all.

ANOTHER great thing…NAOMI CAN CRAWL!!! OR at least…throw herself forward. It’s absolutely amazing to see her growing and progressing right before my eyes. She’s so beautiful, so luminous. Sometimes I just watch her, trying to discover things, trying to put things in her mouth, ew, and just…living. It’s all so amazing.

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So, in the beginning of this month I decided to take a social media hiatus. Last week’s summary was about how low my Twitch (the amount of times I itch to get on social media) was. This week you’ll be disappointed to find that I broke my hiatus. At first, I was upset about Google and their mandatory security practices, and needed to vent and I, admittedly, felt annoyed at myself that I broke my promise to myself. Then I thought “hmmm, well I’ve already broken my promise. I might as well go ahead and go all in”. Bad idea. I know. What I discovered is that no one cared. Cares. No one missed me. No one wanted to talk to me or wanted to reach out. No one remembered me or thought of me, that I could tell. In the spirit of honesty, because that’s what this month is all about, that’s one of my greatest fears. Being forgotten. Not being important. It stems from my deeply rooted issues with my childhood abandonment- fostercare, child abuse, and all that jazz.

So, when I noticed that most of my notifications were those “____ people commented on a photo/post you are following” I broke down. Not literally, there were no tears or complaining to my guy. NO posts filled with shade, “wondering” where everyone was. There was just silence. I felt numb. Resolved. This was a part of the reason I knew I needed to take a step back from social media. Other people shouldn’t be responsible for whether I feel important enough. Guess that’s the issue with replacing a true human connection with an artificial and electronic one. It kind of reminds me of the months after my daughter Iris Giana died. I was so alone, even my mom didn’t care, didnt call or reach out to me, even though I almost died. It was…distressing.

That being said, I  know what I’ll do at the end of the day. I’m resetting everything. I’m possibly making a my business FAcebook. I’m going to keep my Instagram and Twitter but I’ll limit my usage of them to over just a few hours a day. I’m letting the past go. The funny thing is that unless people read this post (is anyone really?) no one will know. I’ll just slip away. uGH. I wonder why this makes me want to take a deep breath and meditate.

So, was breaking my social media hiatus in a rushed need for my druglike fix worth it? Yes…and no. Yes, and no. But mostly yes, because I learned things.

 

So I’m thinking about becoming a pescatarian- with the exception of bacon, of course. I’m really wanting to try new things. I’m just bored with the same hubbub. The only thing is that fish is soooo much more expensive than chicken, beef, or turkey. Do you know any good pescatarian dishes? have you ever tried this lifestyle? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

This week I downloaded a business app that will train me in skills every small business owner needs. It’s called Primer and it has great examples and animations so that anyone can learn. I just finished 2 lessons on branding and plan to do the marketing and advertisement lessons next.

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One of the awesome things I did this week is watch a ton of videos on product photography. I then went down to Lake Eola and took over 140 photos. Then,  because my computer is down, I had to take a trip to the library to upload everything. It worked out, if only because Naomi loves books, and I will be making changes to my shop as soon as I can. One of the best things in my entire apartment…my DSLR.

I’m also adding these new mini notebook sets to my shop. I’m really excited about it all. I feel like this will all work out. Everything will be ok. Be…just fine.

 

Happy Readdance,

Jade

31 Days of Introspection: The Stats

Heya,

So I wanted to go ahead and give the stats for my December schedule for 31 Days of Introspection. I want to take a week to focus on each of these topics. I plan to take one of my own journals and fill it with daily ponderings about the topics. I am really going to try to focus on healing from my past traumas and moving forward into 2020.

Details:
Hiatus from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter
Yoga or meditation daily (Working out doesn’t count!!) Decluttering and getting rid of EVERYTHING that is unnecessary by the end of the month

Writing more essays for my creative nonfiction book based on my life/childhood

Donating or selling discards: DOES IT SPARK JOY!?
Find time to read

I plan to use one of the notebooks that I make and sell in my etsy shop TheElyzabethCo for my daily thoughts. I haven’t decided which color or page pattern I want to use but I’m really excited. Usually I leave them for my sales so I don’t have one of my journals, in the new design, for myself. It’s weird but this has made me so happy. Gotta use your own product right?

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To help me stay focused on my own journey I plan to post every Saturday, summarizing the week.


Introspection Schedule:

Week 1: (Dec. 1- Dec. 7)

Confidence – Self Doubt and Esteem

Week 2: (Dec. 8- Dec. 14)

Goals – Career and Life

Week 3: (Dec. 15- Dec. 21)

Hard Topics – Loss, Fear and Regrets

Week 4: (Dec. 22- Dec. 28)

Relationships – My Little Family and My Role as Mom

3 Remaining Days: (Dec. 29- Dec. 31)

Reflect over the last month

 

 

Jade

 

Let me know below if you plan to join me on this journey!

31 Days of Introspection + Becoming a Minimalist

Heya,

It’s been a while, I’ve had so much to do with school, writing, and a new baby. A busy life has allowed me to realize how messy my life is. I own thousands of books, boxes upon boxes of papers and old notebooks, purses I never use (especially with a baby, I basically use a fanny pack), books I’ll never read (not to be misconstrued with the books I’ve actually read and loved), and just miscellaneous objects that are just all over the place.

bedroom

I’m sick of it. My true turning point came about a week ago. I have decided to get dread locs, that’s a story for another time, and I was up late at night and twisting my hair. My guy was tied up and asked me to grab Naomi because she was fussing. I thought I could grab her really quick and bring her into the master bed/bathroom area and I slipped on a pile of clothes by the bed. I almost cracked my head on the corner of the wall, with my little baby tight in my arms. I almost cried. Because of my messiness, my laziness really, I had almost seriously injured my daughter. Things had to change.

desk

 

Before I decided to fully jump in, I cleaned my bedroom. *APPLAUSE* Thank you! Thank you! I folded all of my laundry (which also includes Naomi’s laundry and even a bit of Tony’s) and then I finished my hair. I had some TV show playing, as usual, but I couldn’t focus on it. The entire time I kept looking down at my tiny human, watching her wiggle about on her little mat. I wondered how I would feel if she had really gotten hurt because of my carelessness. What about upstairs? In the loft? She could eat something, pull down a messy bookshelf or find a needle from my crochet bag. Or in the dining room where there are exact-o knives and random piles of books and a paintbrush she could poke herself in the eye with. What about that? What about her own tiny area in our living room? She could have swallowed nonsense we tracked in on our shoes or pull down unsteady books from those shelves.

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So I decided to change things. I have to get my life together.

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It’s not just about the material things in my apartment. My mind is messy. I’m not sure how to be fully confident. I don’t know what to expect from myself. I’ve been through a lot over the last decade and I have packed myself so deep into the ‘strength’ box that now, when my dreams are coming true, I’m not sure how to measure myself.

All I know is that I can finish school, graduate school, and become a professor but can I?
All I know is that I can be a great mom to my little rainbow baby, Naomi, but can I?
All I know is that I’ve been a fantastic woman to my guy, Tony, but have I been?

What’s my truth? Am I the best I can be? Can I be better? Who am I now that I’m a mother? (They don’t tell you that you feel like a COMPLETELY different person after giving birth. Why don’t we talk about this?) Why can’t I just believe in myself? Why do I question things that I say I Believe with a capital B? I just don’t know the answers to these questions yet.

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I demand to know the answer to these questions. I owe it to myself to find out. I owe it to my future self to find out. I also owe it to my guy and my daughter, who I hope to raise to love herself and trust herself.

31 Days of Introspection is all about changing my life. Not only do I want to embrace the Minimalist lifestyle, I want to find out who I am in this new role as a mom. I want to discover my true goals in life, not just the fanciful dreams I wish I could have. I want to go into 2020 with a clear head and plans for the new decade.

For the month of December 2019 I am going to take a hiatus from all my social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I plan to write my thoughts every day in one of the journals I sell in my shop, TheElyzabethCo, meditate, and focus on getting my apartment together. I’ve created a schedule for my mediation that will help me answer those questions.

So it’s Dec. 1st and I’ve decided to use my Black TheElyzabethCo Journal. I love Black and thought why not use the grid page pattern. I’m also going to keep track of The Twitch (the times I itch to get on social media, etc) and so the grid pattern is perfect because I’m shading in a box for each time. Oh lord.

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Stay tuned for the specific details regarding this month! I plan to upload them November 25th!

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The photos I’ve included in this post are inspirations I pulled from Pinterest. I want my apt to be homey, with plants, comfy and exciting, but clean and decluttered. I want to focus on furniture that matches our style and isn’t just thrown together.

Jade

Cherchez La Vie: June 2018

 

Cherchez la Vie
Look for Life

 

This June’s Cherchez La Vie went amazingly. I actually celebrated on Sunday, which is crazy that I’ve never done that before with, you know…Sunday being my favorite day of the week. I’m glad I did because I’ve never had a Cherchez turn out better than this one.

Itinerary:
I woke up early, a new occurrence for me, and I got out my notecards. It was time to take stock of the last 6 months. A moment of introspection and reflection; see what really happened, what I’ve gone through and where my head is at now. I thought of the things I accomplished from the last Cherchez, in December 2017. I thought of what goals I didn’t meet, what I didn’t even try to do and what was very easy for me to do. Then I thought of the next 6 months, what I want to do, what I think I can do and what I know is life changing.
(The important thing about goal making is being realistic. Yes, it’s important to make goals that push you but it’s also important to know there are steps to everything. Sometimes you have to slowly take each…step…at…a…time instead of expecting to jump right to the top; of weight loss, a finished book or hair growth goals.)

Then I wrote my list of ‘June 2018 Cherchez La Vie’ goals. Your list can be big or small, important things or just a simple To-Do list, anything. I choose to do both and some I roll over from the last list. I have life goals, relationship goals, randomly jotted down goals and also house goals. I have big dreams and I know that every Cherchez I need to be doing SOMETHING that gets me closer to my aspirations.

  1. Completely pack up everything for the move.
  2. Edit and Revise Phoenix.
  3. Prep pitch for PitchWars in August.
  4. Consistently go to gym (roll over)
  5. Find new apt and move
  6. Get rid of unwanted clothes, minimize
  7. Paint at least 1 canvas
  8. Get 401k set up! (Done)
  9. Set new weekly hair routine
  10. Clean apt for move
  11. Buy more book shelves!
  12. Buy a writing desk!
  13. Go to Yoga in the park for the first time (Done!)
  14. Cook steak and potatoes- fancy
  15. Meditate daily for 1 week (Initially)
  16. Write FF Anthology Piece
  17. Consistently write ASR Posts
  18. Officially set up and promote ASR Newsletter
  19. More Photos with Tony
  20. Experience more of the city
  21. Wake up earlier- more often (eek!)
  22. Make female friends- consistent friends (roll over)
  23. Read more (roll over)

After making my list of goals I ate breakfast and then got ready to leave. I attended the Yoga in the park class for the first time! So I can mark that off my list! I was so excited because I loved yoga in college. I was definitely more fit back in college; I ate healthier and worked out more. I didn’t have a car, at first, so I was always moving. Since getting a car, and moving here, I realized that I live a very sedentary life and I don’t eat nearly as healthy as I could. I’ve just recently been trying to do things that can work out my body and my mind simultaneously so this was a great start.

Yoga in park

 

After Yoga I talked about society, culture, and life as a black woman with a new friend. I’ve been looking for ways to enhance my life and having a female friend is definitely a way to do so. I love my guy and all but having someone to chat with, laugh with, hell…giggle with, is very important. I have been missing that since I moved here and I knew creating a book club is one of the best ways to do that.

Once we parted ways I took my time walking through downtown and taking in the weather. I stopped at the library to pick up more books. Even though I read a ton, I could always read MORE and so that’s on the list, of course. So…I sat in the park downtown and read for hours. It was amazing.

Then I got rained on.

So I ran to get food, bagged up my books and walked back to the car. Having curly hair is a great thing in this case. My books were tightly protected so I could really take my time, breathing in the rain, the scent of moisture and peace.

After I got home I relaxed with my guy, read, wrote and reflected over how the day had passed. I couldn’t help the sense of true peace that seemed to heal all my worry and strife for the day. I could truly sit and not feel like I should be up working more, fighting more, getting more strength, breathing more…I could just stop.

And that is what this holiday does for me. That is what Cherchez La Vie can do for you. It’s looking for life, searching for life, searching for THE life. Creating this holiday in high school was one of the best things I’ve ever done in my entire life.

So participate! Go head, it’s not too late to make your list of goals for the next 6 months. The next Cherchez is December 30, 2018. You can change your life in that time. I’ve done it! Just think, on my goal list for December 2017 I wrote “Start school to finish bachelors degree” and now I’m finishing my second semester. I also had “Write and pitch a book” on that list and I’m actually pitching Phoenix next month! Trust me…it works!

 

Cherchez la Vie
Look for Life

Happy Readdance,

Jade