One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn as an adult is to Just Say No. I’m no push over but I often find myself saying yes to things I don’t want to do.
Things Asked To Do:
- Go out on the town/Club
- Meet for coffee/Hang out
- Listen to solicitor’s spiel- At&t comes knocking, the Dish guy at that table in Walmart, the person who waves a pamphlet at you on the street
- Sex – your partner wants to or you’ve set a date (yes, people schedule sex…don’t judge!), you go out to dinner with a new beau
- Specialized Parties: Baby shower, birthday, weddings, etc.
- Adding coworkers to social media sites…just say NO lol
- Drugs….say no. And no MEANS no
I forget and end up saying yes to so many things. Then I’m standing there, listening to whatever it is they’re pushing, and wondering how long I need to fake smile. As an introvert, I am drained after a long day of “peopling”, as I call it. I love to hang out and go places with friends but I also love to do things on my own with no pressure.
ALONE NOT LONELY
When I say yes to things, I always have to make sure I drive myself. No carpooling for me! I like to be able to leave when I want and say no to the ‘after party’ if I choose to. I didn’t know to do this my first round in college and spent so much time wishing I could go home or feeling like people would be angry with me. Also, I spent a lot of time as the ‘designated driver’ when I didn’t want to be. NOT because I wanted to drink but because I didn’t want to have to stay. It was a mess. Now I know better. I always tell people that I love to be Alone, Not Lonely. I want to have a best friend who I can go out with but I also want to curl up with a book for 10 hours. Without being interrupted.
I also need to learn to say NO to solicitors. I don’t know why I always felt obligated to listen. I think another part of it is that I get so embarrassed when people ask me things. I’ll be shopping peacefully and someone will step into my space and say ‘do you have internet service?’ and I would stick around long enough to hear a few lines and struggle to wiggle my way out. Now, I just say “no, thank you,” or “I already have internet.”
I’m also working on keeping “I’m sorry” out of my vocabulary when it’s unnecessary. The not too distant me might’ve said “I’m really sorry but I have internet and…”. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I shouldn’t feel sorry for taking time for myself. I shouldn’t be apologetic because I don’t want ads pushed on me. I shouldn’t feel obligated when people want to invite me to things I don’t feel comfortable doing.
I’m an adult. I CAN SAY NO without fear. So can you.
P.S. YES, you CAN say no to family. Especially if the situation will hurt you or trigger you. Don’t go. Don’t feel obligate.d Take care of you.