WANTED AD: Black Woman Best Friend

Wanted: Black Woman Best Friend

African American Woman in her late 20s seeking African American Woman in her late 20s who is also seeking an African American Woman in her late 20s as a BEST FRIEND. 

BEST FRIEND wanted for the following activities:
Hanging out and doing weird things like going to the museum, library, and other things that get us out of the house and away from our partners and babies. 

Discovering new cafes so we can pretend to be coffee and tea snobs, and take photos in different places to feel well traveled because at this time in our lives we don’t have enough money to travel but then again, maybe we could if we rearranged our priorities that we are too lazy to rearrange. 

Going shopping, but not spending too much money. Window Shopping skills a plus. The ability to try on clothes as if on the runway and tell-it-like-it-is when we try on something unflattering for our body type.

Willing to watch movies of all kinds, action movies to fight our inner aggressors, romance to get us teary eyed and sappy, scary movies to get our adrenaline pumping, drama for the EXTRA in both of us, cartoons for our inner child, and documentaries so we can be inspired to change our lives.

Gym rat buddies: Yoga and working out, but not too aggressive because sometimes I lack the motivation, or the self control, or I want to throw a pity party, or I just want to be fat for a weekend. Weight loss goals preferred.

Mom Friends: Babies around the same age preferred. Our littles can grow up together and be best friends or date each other or feel like they’re siblings or go to high school together, and then college, and then become successful together. Ages preferred: 9 months or maybe a year or maybe 3 years or hell, any age. 

Single ok but in-a-relationship preferred. Our partners can come to some of our events and pretend like they like each other, or maybe really like each other, or maybe become friends and we don’t feel so bad about leaving the kiddos with them while we go out to do all the things black mom friends like to do. What do they like to do? Suggestions preferred. Addendum: If single, knowledge of Stop-Me-When-I’m-Gushy preferred

Love for NOISE required. Willing to listen to non-stop chatter about books, writing, all things creative but also willing to say ‘shut up, you’re talking to much’ when needed.

Introvert or Extrovert allowed but fellow chatterbox preferred. Willing to chat for hours about random things, one converse flowing into another flowing into another and forgetting how we got there.

Preferably from America as similar experiences with the world makes for great camaraderie. Foreign Black friends also welcome, as opposing experiences with the world make for great camaraderie. The understanding that Black is our culture but it is not all that we are and willing to talk about this but also other topics. 

Political aspirations: The ability to chat about politics at the appropriate time but not all the time, or even some of the time. Actually as LITTLE time as possible. Knowledge of The-Right-Place-And-Time required.

Schedule:
Willing to meet up for events and activities. Not every day but more than once a month. Willing to text or message. Not every day but more than once a week.

Meditation and Mindset

Heya,

As a part of the 31 Days of Introspection, I jumped into meditating. I read several books on the matter (You can find these in my Books: Minimalism, Meditation and Mindset post) and excitedly found time to meditate while at school, after my workout at the gym, while commuting (with my eyes open, of course) and before bed at night. I loved it.

Another thing that really made me excited about meditating is the app Headspace. At first I signed up for the free trial and then used the app’s free sessions. I love the cute little animations before each session and the topics were always great. I even made a google sheets page so I could keep track of the amount of times I meditated and for how long. My longest run was 15 days straight.

Then I fell off.

My parents came to town and quickly I forgot all of the things I wanted to implement for 2020. I didn’t intend to but everything disappeared in that first week. However, no need to dwell! Today I officially signed up for Headspace’s student account. It’s $9 a year instead of the normal $99 a year. —So if you’re a student, SIGN UP!!!

I plan to continue using the google sheet to keep track of the days I meditate and use my 2DR to stick to my Cherchez La Vie goals. If you do sign up, let me know!

 

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Good Readdance,
Jade

 

(this isn’t sponsored. If you use another meditation service let me know! I’ll check them out!)

 

* From a newbie to other newbies! *

Minimalism: Emotional Wardrobe Set Back

Heya,

Ugh, I don’t want to say that it was a set back but today, in terms of my mindset and the way I flopped on the bed in self pity after I got home, it was. I started off the day excited. Traveling to the local Ikea to get home office inspiration and to check out prices. Going to Target to do much of the same. Bringing Naomi with me and she was happy the entire time, chilling in her stroller watching people peer under the hood to stare at her.

When I got to Target I thought Hmmm…here’s a great chance to try out the new style I’ve been creating on Pinterest. As I said in my Minimalism = Nothing to Wear post,  from now on I want to only choose items that spark joy for me (Marie Kondo method). I want to figure out what my personal style is so I can feel confident, loved, and pretty. As I shopped through the aisles I happily picked out boho dresses, flowy tops, and a selection of bras (because yes, pregnancy, postpartum, and breast feeding all change the girls).

I’m one of those moms that talks to Naomi as if she were an adult and, because I’m a Chatty Cathy, she listens intently. Although we can’t seem to get her to talk to us directly, she murmurs to her own toys. So as I’m going through the racks, I’m explaining to Naomi about the importance of ‘testing out’ styles before you fully ditch your wardrobe and buy the new items.

I head to the dressing room, she’s giggling because I’m tossing my dreads back and forth and entire with anticipation. As I put on each item I could feel the confidence and excitement draining from me. I could see my eyes in the mirror and every time I pulled another shirt over my head I lost a bit more. The first two shirts were horrible. They huge from my breasts and had no gathering. I basically looked like a flowy box on a pair of stilts. I took a photo of how ridiculous I looked, hoping to show it to my guy later and make a joke at my own expense and yet…hours later I still haven’t shown it to him.

The next shirt was so adorable on the hang. You know what I mean, when it hangs on those tiny white shoulders and you think, oh yeah, I’m TOTALLY this small. When I put it on I realized just how out of shape I really am. The dress was no better. It also hung awkwardly from my boobs, making me feel like Fiona from Shrek. Ugh. Today is just not a good body day, I’m bloated and I somewhat still look pregnant. That’s despite going to the gym consistently, using my 2 Day Rule, and I’m not happy about it. Just the other day I was looking small and trim. Now here I am. Set Back.

Back home I curl into bed and stick my face into the pillow. I want to cry. For a second I think, I wish I hadn’t gotten rid of the comfy stuff that I hated. At least it didn’t make me feel like crap. I hear the door open but I don’t crawl out from under my rock.

My guy came into the room, Naomi riding him with one leg pulled up for stability and so she can get a good vantage point to look down at all us peasants. He sees me and after weaseling the truth from me he says ‘Don’t worry, babe. The gym is a life style. You just keep going and keep going until you are where you want to be. And then you don’t stop. You keep moving. You keep doing ab work outs. The baby weight will come off, trust me. You’re beautiful and I love you,’ he lifts Naomi from where she sat on his lap and dangles her over me. ‘Naomi loves you. She thinks Mommy’s pretty, don’t you?’ and I release the comforter from my clutches just a little bit. Once I’ve regained a bit of my dignity, I uncover enough so that Naomi can climb onto me, her big smile filling me with joy. He bends to kiss me on my forehead and then my cheek. The support is overwhelming. Gosh, how much I love this man.

So yes, today was a set back. I was frustrated with all the bodily changes, the lack of joyous clothes, and my own issues with confidence. But I’m better now. I got up, pumped some breast milk for Naomi, hit the gym harder than I have in weeks, and walked Naomi around the living room. I plan to redo my Pinterest board. Now that I ‘tried out the style’ as I advised Naomi, and it didn’t work out I can re-evaluate and move forward. I also plan to stick to my 2 Day Rule and hit the stores again on a happier day with my goals in mind. I love peplum tops. I love clothes that are comfy. I love solid colors more than patterns —something I just recently discovered and solidified today. I do like stripes, HEY! They’re slimming. So, whew. Deep breath. I have a plan, a vision, and I’m back on track.

NOs: I really liked these dresses, this style, but today’s endeavors said these are going to be a NO.

YES: So I already owned a few items like this before I decided to become a minimalist. There were my few items that sparked joy. Here are items I’ve added to my Pinterest that align with my new style.

 

To see more selections for my new style as I add them, via Pinterest, click here to see my board!

Good Readdance,
Jade

 

 

* From a newbie to other newbies! *

Taking My Writing Seriously!

Heya,

How’s your 2020 going? Have you been keeping up with your goals? One of my Cherchez La Vie goals was to write more and to take steps toward being a better, more mindful writer. I want to baby my inner writer. Let her know she’s loved and that she can come out to play as much as she wants. In order to do this, I had to make take a critical look at what’s going on in my life that is stopping me from achieving my dreams.

Nothing but me. ME.

I’m the one stopping myself because I am not taking it as seriously as I need to. These things aren’t hard at all. I’m a procrastinator, and if you are too you know what I’m talking about, and I need to work on my will power. I can be completely honest with myself, as I’ve stated in other posts, and I know that ‘Just Do It’ should be my new mantra. (As a nod to Nike of course.)

The Switch

In my attempts to become a better fiction writer, while attending other writing workshops, I’ve discovered that I love creative non-fiction. It was something I never knew I could write before. I always felt that no one wanted to read anything ‘real’ from me. That the things I’ve gone through in my life (child abuse, foster care, racism, shame, sexually-intended attacks, pregnancy loss, etc) were too hard for people to read. Especially coming from one person. I’ve been asked how do I stay so optimistic about life, when up until a handful of years ago mine hasn’t been the greatest, and a part of me always wants to put a pinkie to the corner of my mouth and say ‘keep reading my non-fiction and you’ll find out’. So if you are a fan of my non-fiction writing, please comment, subscribe and like my posts to let me know.

Anyway, so during the 31 Days of Introspection I discovered this overwhelming love for creative non-fiction. I no longer cry when I try to write out my experiences, and if I do it’s because I feel a sense of weight being lifted from my shoulders. I’m able to release all of my demons onto the page and hope that the fact that I’m still standing is an inspiration to others. The reactions that I’ve received have been amazing and fill my heart.

Who wouldn’t want to feel that?

The MFA

Due to my switch from fiction to creative non-fiction I have suddenly realized that I need to rethink my choosing of MFA (Master’s of Fine Arts) programs. I have these large lists of fully funded programs that accept Fiction, Poetry, and Creative Non-Fiction and so far I’ve only been looking at schools that take fiction. Now I need to restart my search to broaden the circle. But I guess, now that I’m thinking about it, I’m also closing the circle. I know now exactly which program I want to go for and whichever schools don’t align with that are automatic NOs.
A Minimalist Office

Another way I’m taking my writing more seriously is by setting up a home office. I have created a Pinterest and everything. I’m just so excited. I’ve included a few photos from my board that are giving me major ‘writer’ vibes. I’m looking at Walmart, Target and Ikea’s websites for a nice desk with a drawer, a computer chair (I have one so I could replace my dining chair and move this one to the office area, I’m not sure yet), an organizer, and a desk lap. I’m really happy about this because I can section off time for homework when I’m at home and Tony, and Naomi, will know that when I’m sitting at my desk I am not to be disturbed. Hilarious that I think that’d work, right? A girl can hope.

 

How is your home office set up? Did you have a list of things to buy in mind? Did you create a pinterest board like I did? By the way, here’s the link to my Writer’s nook pinterest board! YAY!!!
Good Readdance,
Jade

CNF: To An Old Roommate, I’m So Sorry

I’m sorry I wasn’t the roommate I was supposed to be. I needed to be slutty and hot and sweet and sexy and wholesome and rich and innocent and snobby. I’m sorry I let you drag me along, open door policy, knocking on doors around the dorm to introduce myself to random people on our floor, tossing hair over shoulders.

I’m sorry I flinched away at that tossed hair. That I wanted a bob that barely passed my chin, that when I tucked it behind my ear guys said I looked adorable. I’m sorry that you got that angry look in your eyes when guys said that even though I was shy I was the friendlier of us two. I’m sorry that guys said they’d rather date me than date you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the roommate I was supposed to be.

I’m sorry that you said ‘this is a secret, don’t tell anyone’ to so many people that it was no longer a secret. I never said anything to anyone. I’m sorry I kept your secret and let people think you were the sweet one and I was the evil one. I’m sorry that there had to be a difference between the two of us.

I’m sorry that you moved out because others, on the floor, wrote SLUT on the door in big black letters that seemed to dig into the board. I’m sorry that when I spoke up – I’m still a virgin – everyone knew that the SLUT was you. I’m sorry that when you left I shut my door, no more open policy, and I retreated into myself.

I’m sorry for lowering my head, and my eyes, whenever I saw you in the halls because when you left you moved down the hall and I had to see your smug face every day. I’m sorry that after our roommate split, our mutual friends had to choose between us and they eventually chose you because your lies depicted me in a false light. I’m sorry that I didn’t correct them. After a certain point, I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to do well in school even though I knew, that November, it was already too late.

I’m sorry that I trusted you to keep your word. That when you, and the other supposed friends, lied to me he was able to do what he did. I’m sorry that when I opened the door and saw him standing there – the one who had hit me before but claimed he’d been drunk- I let him in. I’m sorry that I was angry at you for not being truthful. For because you didn’t come – which you’d told him you weren’t – he held me down and slapped me around. I’m sorry that he laughed as he ground his pelvis into mine. Our clothes tugging and pulling between us, the buckle of his belt leaving a deep impression into the soft skin of my belly. 

I’m sorry that I couldn’t move, though I always thought I would, and I’m sorry I thought of you. My eyes were closed so tight and I also thought of my childhood. I thought of when I was a child and one of the teens pushed her hands between my legs and I couldn’t say no, didn’t know better than to say no. I thought of when I was even younger and was burned in my scalp with cigarette butts. I relive that pain everyday that I hide the scars in my head. As I lay there, letting him paw me, I thought of my brother slapping me, punching me, kicking me down. I thought of being told I was too ugly to be loved or cared for. I’m sorry that I remembered when I was seven suicide was on my mind but I promised myself that I’d stay alive long enough to go to college, so I could learn amazing things and oh, how it would be to be on my own and to finally be safe. Feel safe. I’m sorry that I couldn’t move because my life flashed before my eyes and not the highlights – as it’s said to happen when near death but the dark parts of my life. They went by like a bullet train.

I’m sorry that because you lied to me, he did this and I thought of all that when I was supposed to be past it. When I was supposed to be healed. When having gone to college and starting a new life for myself was supposed to be different. Despite some of your behavior, I didn’t think you would want this for me. I didn’t think you told him to come over and do this to me. Did you? Did you tell him to come teach me a lesson? I’m sorry but I never learned it.

I’m sorry that when I finally punched him, with a weak hand, I thought of you. I thought of how you lied to me and how because of that he was able to do what he did. I’m sorry for never speaking up about him despite being so afraid I rarely left my room and flunked two of my classes that semester. I’m sorry that every day I would see him in the elevator and he would look at me with one eyebrow raised as if to ask me if I’d told on him yet. I would take in a shaky breath and blow it out so slow and so silent that I wasn’t sure I was doing it at all.

I’m just so sorry. I hope you can forgive me for not being the roommate I was supposed to be.

Good Readdance,
Jade
(creative non-fiction – written for a school assignment – still revising)

Books on Minimalism, Meditation, and Mindset

Heya,

Because I’m a reader above all else, I just knew that I had to share my list of books to help me dig deeper into Minimalism, Meditation, and Mindset. I usually lead a busy life due to school and Naomi and so lately I’ve been listening to a lot of the books through Overdrive.

Overdrive is an app (don’t worry, it can still be used through browser) that syncs to your library account. It is completely free. You can either get audio books to download or listen in browser, or you can get the eBook. It’s absolutely fantastic for when you need to be hands free – like when holding a baby or on your commute to work or school. Otherwise, the library is a great way to save money and space should books be an aspect you are minimizing.

If you’ve read any of these let me know! Also, if you have some great books about these topics, put them in the comments. I’d love to check them out! That’s where this list came from! 

FYI: I’ll be adding to this list as I go and I’ll put a big fat X next to the ones I’ve completed. Check the KEY at the end. I hope to write short reviews of these books as well. 

Fingers crossed! 

 

Books on Minimalism: 

X —The Minimalist Home by Joshua Becker
XThe Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo (Manga or Book version)

X —The Happiness Equation: Want Nothing + Do Anything = Have Everything by Neil Pasricha

—The Power of Less by Leo Babauta

X — Soulful Simplicity by Courtney Carver

X—The More of Less by Joshua Becker

—Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

C — Everything That Remains by The Minimalists

 

Books on Meditation: 

X — Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics by Dan Harris — A 10% Happier How-To Book

 

Books on Mindset:

C —The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right by Atul Gawande

—How to Stop Feeling Like Shit by Andrea Owen

DNF — The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman

— Adulting: How to Become A Grown-Up in 535 Easy(ish) Steps by Kelly Williams Brown

C — The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz

 

 

Authors Suggested to Me:
Colin Wright
Courtney Carver
Leo Babauta
Joshua Becker

Good Readdance,
Jade

 

KEY:

X: Finished

DNF: Did Not Finish

C: Currently Reading/Listening

 

* From a newbie to other newbies! *

Messy Minimalist: 4 Steps to Sticking With It

Heya,

One of the most difficult things that I’ve found, now that I’m on this journey, is that becoming a minimalist is very different from being a minimalist.

I say this because I was so excited to get started that I jumped right in. I had already ingested as much Marie Kondo as I could and requested tons of books on decluttering and having a comfy home. I created the 31 Days of Introspection and even before December 1st I was packing things away to donate or throw away. I swept through the clutter in almost the first day and was finished by the first week’s end. Everything was given a place and everything was then put in its place.

Then the reality set in.

Minimalism isn’t just about decluttering, just as I’d read. It’s more about the mindset and I just didn’t have it down yet. Well, I should say ‘don’t have it down yet’. I am a messy person. Messy, not dirty or gross. I clean things (bathroom, kitchen, lint from the dryer) but I’m less likely to have an empty table, books will be strewn about, and clothes aren’t put back in their place. I couldn’t figure out why this new thing I was so obsessed with wouldn’t last. I knew it had to change. I wanted my apartment to reflect the changes consistently.

Step 1: Be Honest

No, I’m not going to tell you ‘Click here to take this test at this link and get this…’ and all that jazz. I’m more interested in finding out your personality type strictly in relation to cleaning. We can talk about the deep dark depths of your soul another time. (Unless you just really want to tell me what your personality type is. I’ll take it. Comment below.) 

In order to get the best out of this step is to be honest with yourself. Seriously! Be honest! Figure out what type of person you are. Are you the ‘I’ll take the trash out later’ three days in a row type? Are you the ‘I can’t start eating until I completely clean the kitchen’ type? Do you need a checklist in order to keep you on top of chores? Do you just let dishes pile up until you have to clean before you can use your sink? If you set the goal “I’m going to make my bed every single morning when I get up” will you stick with it?

My Truth: Through Introspection and trial and error, I found that I wasn’t the type of person to pick up all day. One of the reasons I struggled in the beginning was because I am a mom and a full time student. I don’t have the time, or the motivation, to clean all day. I lie to myself and say that laziness doesn’t play a part but it does. When I have a moment to sit and hang out, I want to read, not clean. During that short period of craziness I would run around like a headless chicken and scream at anyone that left things dirty. Yeah, that’s not for me. I don’t want to become THAT minimalist. 

Step 2: Solve

In order to keep on top of things you must create a schedule or idea that could help you stay on top of things. 

Once I was honest with myself I was able to come up with a solution. I’m currently writing this as laundry sits on the floor in the bedroom, the living room has toys all over the place, and the kitchen is in disarray from roasting chicken and my parent’s 5 day visit. But I’m not frustrated by this, as I would’ve been only a month ago. In that 2nd week of the 31 Days of Introspection, I would get frustrated every time things were out of place. I had this “idea” of what Minimalism (capital M) looked like and any time we forgot to put a dish in the dishwasher or left Naomi’s toys out I’d go running to frantically make sure the apartment was clean. I was burnt out in less than two days. Now, I know what I’ve set in place for myself, and I’ve been sticking to it. 

My Solution: I follow the 10 Minute Clean Up. I came up with this on my own but you’ve probably heard of a quick clean up or created a mini version of your own. Throughout the day, I go about life as normal. Of course, I try to be “mindful” (my word for 2020), by putting things back in their place after I use them, but I don’t spend all hours fumbling after myself, the baby, my guy, and myself again. 

At the end of the night, before I grab a book and go to bed, I walk around the apartment. I spend 10 minutes straightening, wiping things down, picking up Naomi’s toys, loading the dishwasher, and taking out the trash. I set myself up for the next day by putting my laptop where it should go or making sure my backpack is set up for school. It doesn’t always take 10 minutes and sometimes I race against my own clock because I’m weird like that. Once all of this is done, I do my skincare routine and moisturize my dreads (newbie at these too, and I love them). Then I hit the sack.

I used to hate the dishes, and let me be honest – it’s still not my favorite thing, but it really doesn’t take that long. Especially if I am being mindful during the day by immediately rinsing them. The only real issue with the night time pick up is trying not to wake Naomi with all the clinking, clanking and water pressure.

Step 3: Stay Focused

Once I was honest with myself I realized that a 10 minute clean up before bed would help me round out my day. 

My apartment was clean, things were in their place, I’d already cut down on my ‘getting ready’ time by decluttering clothes and keeping a small shoe rack by the door. Also, my backpack or purse was already set (via the 10 minute clean up) and I can grab and go. Now, I just needed to stay on track. I was able to release the stress and stop chasing my guy around whenever he put a cup down on the coffee table or forgot to fold the blanket from the couch. Okay, that’s not true. I still do that sometimes because he’s not on this journey with me and so he hasn’t quite caught on to the concept yet. But he is working on helping me keep things together and I’m sure he’s much happier, in general, that our apartment is de–cluttered and consistently clean.

Every night, that 10 Minute Clean Up needs to happen. That being said, should something happen stopping me from doing it (too druuuunk, tired beyond exhaustion, in pain or hurt…there are reasons), I can’t let myself freak out. Light and Happy. Light and Happy. 

Step 4: Remember

This one is easy and not really a step. When I notice the apartment is getting a bit messy I remember why I decided to de–clutter in the first place. If I’m getting into bed and I haven’t cleaned, I get up before that warm plush mattress pulls me in. I do my quick clean up and get in bed happy, knowing that my apartment is clean, I’ve kept a promise to myself, and that I’m stress free. I can breathe.

So…Mission Accomplished.

What about you? Are you a messy person? Do you struggle to keep up with the neatness that minimalism has imparted? What was your solution to being a messy minimalist? Is it working? Have you had to try different things?

Good Readdance,
Jade    

 

 

* From a newbie to other newbies! *

Minimalism = Nothing to Wear

Heya,



In April 2019 I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl Naomi. She was everything that I hoped for, wished for. I loved the idea of being a mom and after she was born I fell in love with her even more. During my high-risk pregnancy I embraced all of the things that changed. I loved my stretch marks and even called them my Baby Ink. I took the engorged breasts in stride and the swelling feet was an uncomfortable thing I knew I could handle. My fluctuating weight – and fears of not gaining enough – didn’t hold me back from feeling optimistic. Any time someone mentioned a downside about their body, in regards to pregnancy, I took in the positives and thanked Naomi for remaining healthy.

It wasn’t until I was five months postpartum, that I felt in loving her, and all that a new babe brought to my life, I had somehow fallen out of love with my body. I still embraced the things that had changed but I just didn’t feel beautiful anymore. I didn’t feel happy with the way I saw myself in the mirror. Then, I noticed it wasn’t my body. It was my clothes. 

I hated my wardrobe. Most of the clothes that I wore during pregnancy would no longer fly. During those 9 months, I donned tons of cute crop tops, high-rise leggings and jeans. I wore tight dresses because they looked beautiful over my ever-growing belly. I didn’t realize that, after birth, I would no longer feel happy in these. My stomach was flabby. I often still looked pregnant due to swelling or bloating. My breast milk filled boobs wouldn’t fit into the tighter tops I’d worn just weeks before. Instead, I wanted to wear flowy things. I wanted to twirl in boho dresses that flowed around my thighs. I wanted to wear jeans again. I wanted to wear leggings beneath peplum tops and billowing blouses, at least until I lost the baby weight. Then after I wanted the carefree feeling and aesthetic that style would give me.

I had none of those things.

 


So I turned to my closet. The drawers were overflowing. There were clothes strewn about the floor because I didn’t have enough space to pack them in the already packed closet (that’s also filled with non-clothes items as well). I instantly recoiled and for a week I tried to put the daunting task of decluttering and figuring out my new personal style out of my mind. 

One section of decluttering is Clothing and I followed all of the rules. In using Marie Kondo’s method of decluttering, I was able to go through my closet and get rid of all the things that no longer sparked joy. I threw out things I knew I would never wear. Donated clothes that I couldn’t fit. I even found shirts that still had tags. I then embraced the folding and stood my shirts and jeans up in the drawers for easy removal. I flipped my hangers to see what I wore often and what never left the closet and donated those pieces as well. I even pared down my gym clothes and the enormous collection of jeans that could use a dusting. You know, because I hadn’t gone to the gym in almost a year and hadn’t been able to fit into jeans in at least six months.

After I did all the STUFF, I felt happy. My bedroom no longer had clothes strewn about, my clothes only took up one small corner of the closet, and my drawers could close all the way. I thought that the only things I kept were items that “sparked joy”. However, after three weeks, I still couldn’t find anything to wear. I would return to the closet over and over asking myself ‘do I really want to wear this’? I would look in the mirror and feel sadness that my clothes didn’t suit me. I still didn’t feel pretty.

One of the things that they don’t tell you after having a baby is that you will never be the same. You are a completely different person. You’re a Mom now. You do Mom things. You have a Mom body. You have to look at yourself in a different light.

Those things I wanted to wear weren’t in my closet. My wardrobe didn’t make me feel together or like a mom. A part of minimalism is owning things with purpose and loving the things that inhabit your space. I still held on to things that were from the ‘old me’. I had nothing that showed I had grown as a person.

 

Remember, this was before I fully embraced the idea of becoming a minimalist. All I knew was that something had to change. I pared my wardrobe down even further. My new question wasn’t ‘Does this spark joy?’ My new question was (is) “Does this reflect the new me?” and if the answer was no, I threw it out. Mostly. I knew I had to keep enough things so that I would be clothed because, you know, they don’t let us run around naked, but the majority of the items went right into a box.

My next step was to hit the thrift store. Say what you will, be who you are, but I love thrifting. I love it. Finding great pieces at great prices has been something I’ve enjoyed my entire life. I would go to thrift stores and garage sales with my mom on the weekends and I always came home with something I enjoyed. Yes, this is definitely what contributed to my issues with shopping and hoarding but we’ll talk about that in another post. 

 

On my trip to my safe place, I found ten items that I loved. I pulled them off the rack with an excited flick of a hand. Then I stopped. I looked down at Naomi, who was happily chattering away in her car seat, and shook my head. I was about to do the exact opposite of what I came to do. Find things that reflect me. I took another look and aloud I said “Naomi, does this look like the new me?” She smiled when she heard my voice but was otherwise no help.

Taking a second, even third, look at my selections told me that no, they didn’t reflect me. They looked like the same items I’d just tossed away. I decided to take them to the dressing room anyway, to see if I was just being dramatic (which…I usually am). After trying them on, I realized that only four out of the three pieces made me feel pretty. They made me feel like an adult woman who knew who she was and had her own style. A mother who is taking back the reins of her body. One that is redefining what it meant to be stylish, in her own eyes. They are items that would also look good after I’ve lost the 25lbs (that I am pledging to lose in 2020 – also another converse for another time).

 

When I got home, I excitedly tried on every piece and did a fashion show for my guy in which I employed my best catwalk. He laughed and told me I looked happy, light. I did. I do. With every piece that I’m buying that reflects me I no longer feel that my closet is fighting against me and my happiness. I can’t say “I have nothing to wear”. It’s a journey, as I’m no expert at this, but every time I put on clothing that fits and makes me feel sexy, pretty, positive, and light I know I’m on the right track.

I hope that I’ve inspired you to not only ask ‘Does this spark joy?’ but ‘Does this reflect the new me?’

 

 

Good Readdance,
Jade

 

* From a newbie to other newbies! *

Cherchez La Vie December 2019

Goals! Goals! Goals! *to the beat of the SHOTS song*

Here is my quick Goals list for the first 6 months of 2020. I’m really excited because I have some great ones that I’ve already been putting into practice with my ideas from the 31 Days of Introspection.

I want to implement the “2 Day Rule”. This means that I can’t go more than 2 days without doing something towards my goals. I’ll put 2DR next to the other goals that must apply to this.

1. Meditation! I want to make sure that I am taking time out of my day to meditate and center myself. One of the great things to come out of the 31 Days of Introspection is learning all I could about releasing stress and calming myself before I freak out. 2DR.

2. “Schedule” class prioress for my online classes. One thing that I realized about myself is that I need to have specific times for each class. Just as if I would go to a Face to Face class, I need to say Tuesdays at 10 am I am going to work on Theory and Practice. At 11 am…etc. This will help me stay focused!

3. Gym LIFE!!! I currently weigh less than I did when I was pregnant with Naomi. However, I’m almost 20lbs more than I was when I first moved to Orlando. I actually thought I was on the heavier side back then and it surprises me to look back and find that I wasn’t fat at all and almost had a flat (albeit flabby) stomach. In all seriousness, I’d like to get back to that size. That’s a big feat though. So I’m hoping for 15lbs in the first 6 months of 2020. I want to tone. I would like to get rid of the ‘pregnant’ look, even when bloated. I actually just bought an ab roller today.

4. Stick to my nightly 10 Minute Clean Up. I want to make sure I’m keeping the apartment clean and tidy as much as I can. Doing this nightly clean up will help me stay focused and remember why I wanted to become a minimalist in the first place. 2DR.

5. Read!!! I want to make sure that I take time to read every single day. Being a full time student and a mom means I often have less time to read when I’m in the thick of a semester. I’m including both physical books and audio books into this! I love using Overdrive to get free kindle books through my library. I am also lucky that our library system delivers. I don’t have to leave my house if I am unable to! 2DR.

What are your goals for 2020? Any resolutions that are life changing? New career? Weight Loss?

Good Readdance,

Jade

31 Days of Introspection: Week 4: Goals

Heya,

So, today is Cherchez La Vie. If you remember, many, many moons ago I was tasked with creating a holiday central to who I am. I decided to make Cherchez La Vie which basically means ‘the search for life’ (or so a  french friend advised). On the last Saturday of July and December (6 months), I do a re-evaluation of my life. The day is usually filled with yoga, or some mindful act: meditation, cleaning, organizing, eating healthy food, etc. I also make a list of goals that I want to achieve in the next 6 months.

Some are as simple as “make a healthier meal at least once a week” or “try out new recipes” (from July 2019’s list). Some are bigger, like “get a gym membership” (from the same list). I currently work out at 24 Hour Fitness, by the way. Goal Accomplished.

In 2020 I want to add some things to my list! I want to lose 15lbs in the next 6 months. I am setting a realistic goal – with school and Naomi and writing – and hoping to tone as well. I want to meditate more, even if it is only 5-10 minutes a day. I definitely plan to write more- whether it’s for novels, creative nonfiction essays, or blog posts. I just want to do what I love…more. For a complete list of my Cherchez La Vie 2019 goals click here!

I’d love to hear what your goals are for the next 6 months! What do you want to accomplish? How do you want to start your 2020 off? If you have any New Year Resolutions I want to hear these as well. Now…

Week 4 Summary:
This month has been amazing. Let me just say, I feel like a different person. This week I reaffirmed my thoughts on my career choice. I’d love to be a Professor and I will be one. It’s been a lifelong dream that I was talked out of pursuing by any and everyone when I was graduating from college. “Dont go to school for English”, “You need to do something that makes money”, and “How do you plan to get a job?” were just a few things that derailed my dreams. When I was a kid I would daydream little scenes of me standing before a class. I’d have my little messenger bag and my cool accent. I’d spark banter between students and inspire them to think about creative writing and novels in entirely new ways. It’s just crazy how much I WANTED it.

But no looking back. I’m on track now and my dreams are still coming true. One thing that would help me achieve these dreams is going to grad school. This means I need to decide which grad school to go to. I spent almost two full days looking at schools with fully funded programs. I’ve found some great selections and I’m quite excited about it. 

This week, in Naomi’s development, is all about screaming. And when I say screaming, I’m really talking about HIGH PITCHED BANSHEE SCREAMS. She loves it. She leans back, tightens her legs, and screams as loud as she can. It’s crazy. She also fake coughs. I’ll come running because I think she might be choking on something and nope, she’s smiling from ear to ear. It’s wild. One great thing about Naomi’s development is that she is eating more real food now. I’ve been happy to find baby food at the store that is 100% veggies or meat, etc. I was seriously worried about that and finding brands that are organic or whole make me happy and feel like my daughter is getting the best. And I try it myself and it’s so good. If anything, that’s a great indicator.
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Another thing happening this week: I need to choose a computer. As an English student, most of my school work is writing essays or creative writing pieces. There’s no way I’m going to be able to do all of this by hand or at the school library. I need to get one that also means I need to sell the car ASAP. One bill to replace another. C’est La Vie. Ugh. If you have any suggestions for great computers I’ll take them, under a $900 budget. Otherwise I’m using the money saved for the car and not the things I need it for. Ugh…again. 

I mentioned in another post that I would seriously like to become a pescatarian and man, oh man. The price of fish is so high. I bought a huge Salmon filet and it was literally twice (and change) the price of a huge pack of chicken breast. That chicken breast could feed the two of us for several dishes – multiple meals. That’s one of the crazy things about life as well. Everyone talks about how unhealthy or overweight Americans are. It makes me wonder why healthy foods are always just so much more expensive than unhealthy foods. Why does a quick salad cost $9 but a cheeseburger costs $1.25? What sense does that make?

I’ll jump off that soap box real quick. My word for 2020 is going to be Mindful. I want to be MINDFUL in everything that I do. Cleaning, writing, grocery shopping, cooking, meal prep for school so I don’t starve, etc. So if you see that word throughout my posts for 2020, that’s why. What is your word? 

 


Good Readdance,
Jade